Just one more day
Let’s soak up the sun
Just one day away
let’s lay out on the beach
let’s have some fun
Just one more day
Sip a margarita, our favorite, peach
Drink it all, till it’s done
Just One day away
Wanna surf? He said he’d teach
Forget a workout, who needs to run?
Just one more day
I need some highlights, break out the bleach
Gotta get tan, sunscreen? Nah none
Just one day away
Gather some shells, one of each
A week of sleep and it’ll be done
Just one more day
Just one day away
I chose a villanelle because to me, it was the most laid back and less structured form. With my topic being about relaxing at the beach and about spring break away from stressful schoolwork, I thought it would be the best form. I also liked how it didn’t have a structured meter. This gave me a lot more freedom to do what I felt would make the poem better, and gave me more ability to be lenient with form. I think that again adds to the topic of relaxation and a week of no structure or plans. I thought the rhyme scheme of only 3 rhymes would also add to the form because I thought it would help focus it. Some of the other forms had many other rhyme schemes, but I think the simpler it is, the easier it is to follow and the more the audience can connect to the poem and what it’s saying. The rhymes I chose were really just whatever I thought had the most words that would go with the theme of my poem, but I think the refrain is my favorite part because I think it reiterates the exact stress that my poem is about getting away from.
Bri:
ReplyDeleteI do like the way you were thinking about your refrain, as a sort of structured stress that the rest of the poem is trying to escape, but can't. However, I think that the word choice leaves a bit to be desired. There's a lot of abstract language here and the concrete language you do have is slightly generic--peach margaritas, sea shells, surfing. You always want to try to stretch further than the obvious objects one associates with something like spring break. Imagery is central to good poetry, but this imagery is pretty flat. Also, with regard to refrains, you want to be sure that the lines you are repeating are your strongest. "Just one more day/Just one day away" is more reminiscent of a Top 40 hit on the radio than serious literary poetry, no? Just make sure to keep that in mind as you craft your final poems.
Thanks!